Sunday, January 02, 2011


While walking below High Drive the other day, Sarah and I encountered this coyote frozen in the snow. There was another one above that looked in much worse shape. Much of its flesh had been stripped off by, I believe, the bald eagle pictured a couple of posts ago.

Winter is very picturesque right now.

Along these lines, we are currently experimenting with the Paleo Diet at our house. It is all part of my ten-year plan.

This month's OUTSIDE Magazine had a big article on the Paleo Workout. It was good, but I was a little miffed. Two years ago, I unsuccessfully floated my idea for, what I dubbed, The Wildman Workout. It was basically the Paleo Workout with a few key differences, mostly along the lines of merchandising opportunities:

1. The Wildman Spear. Run with it. Stretch with it. Put it in a tree and do chin ups with it. Spear an attacking pit bull and eat it for dinner... with it. Differing prices reflect the spear's composition - wood, aluminum, graphite, nanotubes.

2. The Wildman Game Bag Drag. Here's how it works. On your usual checkout at Rosauers, when asked "paper or plastic," you say neither. Then you toss on the counter what looks like an animal carcass, but it isn't. Made out of the finest cordura and enhanced with 3M light reflection, the Wildman Game Bag allows you to stuff it full of your groceries and then drag this what-looks-to-be-an-animal-carcass home. Pack the ketchup in the bottom for more realistic dragging action. Sized right for carrion luggage.

3. The Wildman Loin Cloth. Just a loin cloth... but made out of CoolMax! Comes in fun colors.

I wish I had my gear on when I came across this coyote. It would have looked good on the WW catalog. Always a day late and a dollar short.

As an aside... Please, next time when you see me doing my Wildman Workout run in Manito Park, don't call the cops. They are tired of responding and have already told me my spear is OK. Plus, they implied that they would never put me in the back of one of their cars while I am wearing just the loincloth. I told them it was CoolMax. They don't care.

Operators are standing by!


Pat S said...

Sorry the Wildman Workout got scooped. But the carrion luggage concept is brilliant and I just wanted you to know that it didn't go unnoticed. I would buy a set if it came up on QVC right now. I'm sure there are others that feel the same way. Where are they, though. At this 5 minutes I feel very alone.

EvilElf said...

Pat, Thank you. If you see this on QVC, it is probably a Chinese knockoff. DO NOT BUY IT! Plus, do you want to buy a loincloth put together in a sweat shop? Yeccchhhh!

I am sorry that you felt alone while you typed this. There are other channels that can help you deal with this feeling better than QVC, but I think you have to pay extra for them.

Maybe, we should start a Wildman Channel. I think we could still have shows about Nostradamus and Lost Nazi Gold, as it relates to Wildmen.

Thanks again! Carry on!