Sunday, October 04, 2009

Yesterday's Spokesman-Review sets new standard!

When I came home from work yesterday morning, Sarah asked me if I had read the paper yet. I told her I had only glanced at it. She then proceeded to list all the strangeness contained within. Leading the pack, was a story about a lady whose hearing aid had dropped into her box of milkduds and she almost ate it. Really. Paul Turner wrote an entire story about this. Really. Was he inspired by The Onion, or has he never seen it?

As you can see, the poor hearing aid lady had to supply her own photo too.

The one headline I did catch when I first perused the paper was "Llama rescued from Pikes Peak." Nice.

Then there was the usual idiotic piece by Charles Krauthammer. I would love to go to lunch with Krauthammer and Cal Thomas. Which would be the loonier dyspeptic?

Next, a tiny story on the sports page. Someone has been hitting Ted Williams' frozen decapitated head with a monkey wrench. Why? Because there was an empty tuna can stuck to it. Of course. Want to know more?

But the best was saved for last. For the past 20 years, Don Adair and Teresa McCallion have done his-and-hers columns, test driving a new car and giving their opinion every Saturday edition. Well, as Don puts it, the steering wheel was recently "wrested" from Teresa. Who is the new gal writer wrester? Hint - here is the first paragraph:

"Most women, at one time or another, are seduced by a pair of elegant high heels. We look at them and imagine ourselves in them, suddenly sleek, tall and sophisticated with long, sexy legs. That pair of shoes will transform us, we just know it. Those shoes will change the way we walk into a room.

Suddenly we have to have those heels."

YES! She is back! Cheryl-Anne Millsap!! Just when I was ready to cancel the subscription. C.A.M. saves the day! Admit it. You want to see how she finishes this article, one that is supposed to be about a car. Well, maybe you better buy a newspaper. Because that's all your going to get from me.

On another note, Doug Clark seems to be getting meaner and meaner. I think he's channeling the old Weekly World New's columnist Ed Anger. It's almost as if he takes the most strident loony letter to the editor and amps it up, knowing that this way he can hit the lowest common denominator. Seriously, he has done some good writing in the past, but over the last few years, it has really become formulaic, strident and hysterical (not the funny kind of hysterical). I hope he is OK. Another good reason to keep buying the paper.

6 comments:

Spokandroid said...

Personally, I've been thinking about eating my contact lenses and then claiming that I thought they were ice chips so I can get into the paper.

Jacque Hendrix said...

Phew! I thought I was hallucinating when I read the newspaper that day. And at least Doug's music remains good.

EvilElf said...

When I worked at Denny's, around 1980, a patron was chewing an incredibly tough piece of salad. Turned out to be a bloody BandAid. That would have been front page news today. Then Doug Clark would have wrote a song about it.

John Speare said...

I like the irony that CAM, in addition to being the new car/cup holder reviewer, is also the new "green" columnist for DTE.

Bill Foss said...

John, I saw the ad that introduced her as the new columnist for the green thing, but I haven't read any thing she's written for it yet. I am totally psyched to see some prose. Composting will take on some unfortunate sexually-charged, self- reflective face. I am filled with glee!

Anonymous said...

Keep posting stuff like this i really like it.