Vagina Monologues story. I am more of a risk taker now and I don’t feel like I always need to have things lined up with a plan and a backup plan and a backup to the backup.
New format - with my additional story stuff - Running True Confessionals. To follow this week: Why Running is good for transitioning... And we're all transitioning!
When I was a kid, I was a very slow runner. I mean slooooow. Slower than all the boys and most of the girls. I was told by friends and a teacher or two that I ran "funny." And sometimes my walk also got the same critique.
So, I paid attention to how boys were supposed to look when they ran or when they walked. And I did a good job for about 50 years. I paid attention to how I was supposed to be in everything and worked hard to get it down.
Which makes me think. When I was a kid, I loved Rich Little and other impressionists. In fact, the first record album I ever bought was Rich Little's Politics and Popcorn. I became pretty good at all the impersonation standards of the time - Nixon, Cagney, Bogart, John Wayne, Lily Tomlin's Ernestine, Mae West, WC Fields, etc. I even wrote to the TV show - The Copy Cats - when I was ten. I wanted them to know that I would be a really good addition to their program. I received - NO REPLY!
So, it continued in my happy life. I remember reading something about Peter Sellers where people who knew him said that once you took away all the humor, the impressions, the acting, there was nothing there. They said that when he played the simpleton Chance the Gardener in Being There, that this was the closest any of us would ever get to see what Sellers was really like.
Now, I think there was certainly more to me when you scraped away all the fun stuff. But, as a kid, I knew better than to let anyone know what that was. To do so in the 1960s and 70s would have been a disaster. And as an adult, I continued my impressions, my learned behavior of what I should be as a man. And I was pretty good.
Am I saying that now is my Chance the Gardener time to shine? Not exactly. But I will say, inside of me there was still that little girl. She was hiding out, running like somebody else so people wouldn't know she was there. I am going to let her run free, and true.
EPISODE HILIGHTS:
A quick look at what kind of runner I was as a kid and a little look at Sarah and my first 50K.
I have gained ten pounds from when I started HRT. Where did it go?
SPOILER ALERT!
My ass.
How am I going to get from zero miles per week to 55 miles per week preparing for the Spokane River Run 50K in April? Hey, I just did 18 miles this week.
I HAVE A PLAN!!!
And I have a new watch! Why? Because I destroyed the last one trying to fix it. This is an activity in which I am well-versed. It may be a good metaphor for how I've lived my life too. That's heavy.
AND CHARTS!!! GRAPHS!!!! All mirror imaged, I guess.
And I say that Sarah and I ran an ultra to celebrate our 50th anniversary. Well, actually it was our 50th birthdays.
I mention that the video is a mirror image. But, it isn't...
People this is live. It is a happening.
All this in under 11 minutes!?!?! HOW CAN THIS BE?
Running has been an important part of my life for over 40 years. I have never been a "great" runner but I have been a faithful and persistent one. Running has helped me sort through a lot of things in my head. One thing that always kept coming up was my transgender stuff from my childhood and how to manage it as an adult.
In fact, it was because of an ultra marathon and a request made of me during that time that I came out to the rest of my family, my friends and everyone else.
One of the downsides (maybe the only downside) of hormone replacement therapy was that after about six months of it, running sucked. It seemed pointless. I know many of you not on HRT feel the same way about running anyway!
I want to rediscover running again this time in a body that has about 1/50th of the testosterone it did have and about twenty times the estrogen, a body that looks and feels a lot different, better, but different.
Also, my mind has changed some too. And I think that's where the real challenge in long distance running comes from.
I have a 31 mile race planned for four months from now. I need to get from zero miles per week up to about 80.
It's going to be a new kind of running for me. I will be running with a new body and mind and with the truth out of who I am.
