Wednesday, December 23, 2009

At Fred Meyer's: A plastic box for your plastic wreath...

Actually it's made of sterilite.

No I didn't see a bigger box to put all your boxed wreaths into. I guess all wreaths are now standardized in radius. Probably metric. New world order.

Fred Meyer's is a place that never fails to give me the heebeegeebees.

The place we are now in crap that should never be made, but is because Chinese slaves work cheap and we have credit cards, is a place that is beyond parody.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Spokanarama drops Tiger Woods as spokesman!

This was a very difficult decision.

According to the latest CNN headline, Accenture has opted to drop Tiger Woods as their spokesman. I always look to Accenture for the latest trends in whatever it is that they do, so we were forced to follow suit.

Sorry Tiger. Personally, I like your style and Lord knows if I had your money... But what about the children who read Spokanarama? What about the golfers who never stray, yet read Spokanarama? And the pole dancers? What about them?

Initially, I thought Accenture was some sort of denture paste with a zesty flavor, but it's actually a management consulting group. In other words, I still don't know what it is that they do.

In closing, What's the difference between Santa and Tiger Woods?

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Sights while pedaling home this morning...

For some reason, inflatable lawn decorations never seem right, or remotely interesting, until they are deflated. And when there's more than one or two, this rule seems more solid.

Did Santa hang this elf on the marquee of his workshop as a warning to other elves? I am not sure what this elf did to warrant this penalty. Did he not want to make toys? Maybe he wanted to be a dentist. Obviously a misfit.

Notice the plumes of smoke in the background? That's right - the entire city was on fire this morning. Well, at least that's what some folks thought yesterday - a lot. Imagine, steam coming from dryer vents, steam vents and even out of a laundromat/drycleaner/steam cleaning business.

How strange.

The river was also on fire - all day - yesterday, but we never had to respond to that. Maybe Dispatch filtered those calls out for us.

Maybe it's time for a public service announcement or something from the "news" media. I saw on the "news" this morning, that when it gets cold, water "freezes." This process actually firms water and you can see the process in lakes and ponds. So, maybe something from the media about steam being more visible when it's cold would not be so far-fetched.

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Christmas Trees of Elegance - Pretty up front with the true meaning of Christmas!

This event at the Davenport Hotel has been a long-standing favorite for me and my family.

I don't think I've bought a lottery ticket in 10 years. I don't enter contests. But there's something about this event that makes me spend money like a drunken sailor on Christmas shore leave at Santa's Compound with a couple of hot elf chicks on each arm.

Sarah says the best thing about this event is that you can support the symphony without the hassle of going to the symphony. Perhaps that is a Christmas lesson in itself.

Money - the albino owl wishes everyone a Merry Christmas from this tastefully appointed tree. Looks like she has quite the nest egg.

Thursday, December 03, 2009

War continues to subvert the dominant paradigm...

A trip to the dollar store, zip ties, safety wire, duct tape, coroplast signs and bungee chords - so far, a great kick off to the holiday season.

I think I have been to a dollar store maybe twice - until last week. Went to the one by Hastings on 29th - no made-in-China $5 trees. Sarah suggested the store on Ray on 14th or 15th. What a place. When you walk in, the depression envelopes you like a blanket of doom. Every third florescent light is burned out. Christmas music softly drifts - the tape player's timing is just a little off. The place is empty. Crushed boxes of trees made from the finest Chinese plastic detritus are neatly stacked. Checkers stand silent at their posts - staring blankly ahead. The perfect place to outfit the latest XtraCycle adventure. This setup is going to look great in July. The bungee chords give the tree just the right, in kilt parlance, "sway."

The Monkeylectric front wheel light is everything I thought it would be.